If I Knew Then What I Know Now

I've always been a sucker for time travel books and movies: The Time Machine, Time and Again, Somewhere In Time; you name it, I've read the book or seen the movie, and still cry every time Christopher Reeve finds his way back to Jane Seymour in Somewhere In Time. That's why I was so intrigued by life coach Martha Beck's October column in O Magazine, “If It's Tuesday, I Must by 25.” In it, Martha describes a series of exercises to get past emotional pain and " unstuck" from a current life situation. 

Her premise is simple but intriguing: emotional pain can make your felt age (the age you feel inside) leap past chronological age. The way you can move beyond that: Next time you feel anguished, enraged or terrified, ask yourself, “how old do I feel?” and just let a number pop up. Become very young for a few minutes and let that child tell you what she or he needs and guide the resources around you (friends, family, ability to read, or change of scenery) to give you what you need right then, whether it's talk with an old friend, read a good book, or take a trip to the movies. 

One of her other exercises involves traveling forward in time. Think about the worst aspect of your present situation and invite a visitor into your presence. That visitor is your 150 year-old self. This future self is still alive, knows your whole life history and yet-to-be lived future, but feels no fear. Ask this person about the situation that's currently overwhelming you how they solved the situation: What did you do when you were in my shoes? I've been doing a lot of talking to my future self lately and getting some rather interesting advice.

During a recent Performance Group meeting, I tried a variation of this exercise with the members. I was just about to launch into their year-end financial review - the part where they get to see how they've performed over the year compared to their goals, each other, and the industry. ( While it's a really valuable experience it can be kind of sobering). I took a look at their apprehensive faces and decided to try something a little different. I grabbed a Koosh ball and tossed it out to one of them. I asked that person to tell the group what one thing they knew now that they wished they'd known at the beginning of the year - then toss the Koosh ball to another member.

“I wished I'd known I was going to have three hurricanes hit my town.” 
“I wish I'd known the key employee I'd depended on was incompetent.” 
“I wish I'd known how much more money I'd need when I expanded.” 

Some of the things they talked about were things that could have been in control of their past selves, and some were not. It really didn't matter. I felt an immediate lift in the room, almost as if just hearing their present self talk to their past self gave them permission to let go of the past and move on to the next year. However it worked, it made the review more meaningful for everyone.

There are infinite variations on these exercises. A fun one to ask at a school reunion is, “What would your current self tell your freshman self?” - and share the answers. 

As Martha says, “armed with imagination and desire, you can jump to any phase of the life cycle…you become a wizard, free to enjoy every stage of life but trapped by none.” 

Wizards, go forth. Actually, go back and forth and enjoy!